rowena: i'm looking over the plans
rowena: what's this weird series of rooms accessible only by a hatch in a room on the right hand side of the third floor corridor
godric: oh that's for if we ever need to hide a priceless artifact for some reason
rowena: why would we hide a priceless artifact in a school
godric: safest place
rowena: fucking is it though?? there's a giant snake somewhere
[in the distance]
salazar: there's no snake you are wrong stop being wrong
professor: a british man, a french man, and an american man are exploring and get attacked by a tribe. the tribe leader says 'i'm going to kill you and use your skin for my canoes! but the good news is i'll let you decide how to die!' so the british man goes first and says 'give me a gun.' he takes it and shoots himself with dying words of 'god save the queen!'
professor: the french man goes next and asks for poison and says 'vive la france!' before dying.
professor: the american man asks for a fork. the tribe leader goes 'a fork?' the american man says 'yes, a fork.' so he gets the fork and starts stabbing himself all over and the tribe leader asks what he's doing.
professor: the american man says "TO HELL WITH YOUR CANOES"